wiener dog tricks.

I Know I Am Late to the Party, But I Still Need to Talk About This Like It Just Happened

I just read this book on the plane.

 

And yes, I know you already read it. I know your sister read it. I know you gave it to your cousin for Christmas, but I. Just. Found. It. And I read it like a novel on the plane. It is absolutely wonderful--and immediately solved a couple of solidly annoying problems I've been facing on my Journey To The Perfect Tshirt.

In a word: Wendy Rocks.

She is like the Macgyver of sewing. She speaks my language.

I am completely and totally going to embark on the first project--sewing a shirt.

Has everybody already done this? Anybody want to join me? [She typed and then had a flash of panic that there will be be this like awkward silence and she will have to pretend like she was asking somebody else.] Anybody got any reports from trying to do the shirt project? 

I Feel Totally Coco

Before Chanel, I mean.

I am currently cutting up a cast-off Banana Republic long-sleeve, stretch, zippy t-shirt piece to re-make it into something that works for my lady body. I got it from my friend's husband. Wait: not really. Because it wasn't like he dropped it off or anything. He said no to it, she knew I like to cut stuff up, and I ended up with it. There's a pretty good chance he would actually sort of think it was strange that I was wearing his (old) clothes. Don't tell him.

So I am so Coco Before Chanel right now (and yes: rent it.) in my cut-up-the-men's-clothes thing. But my sister is not getting married, and I am not destitute, with questioonable musical stage abilities, living off the kindness of annoying rich people, and planning on having my picture taken pouting on expensive steps anytime soon. Otherwise, I am totally her.

Experimenting and What I Will Do For You When I Come Back From Being Wonder Woman

I'm messing around with the hatbox shape:

 So far the handles are unusably in-the-way of the zipper (What can I say? It looked right when I drew it . . .)

So I hacked it 

. . . and turned it into this:

 

Like I said: the theme here is "experimenting"

I scrounged the handles for a later use (I'm going to try to move them to the perimeter seam instead and see if that's better.) I like the shape of the little hatbox bag, though. It speaks of possibilities to me.

Made another wallet--this time in something woolish with backing and it's, well, uber-cute. I won't lie. It's all about those clear sparkly buttons for me. And anything black and white makes me want to keep it forever. This one's a gift. Dangit.

 

 
And I'm making more of these. 

 Because I still think these are the cutest bags ever and yes I know you're tired of me talking about them because I promised to give you the tutorial and I haven't yet and I feel really bad about it and it's getting awkward between us. I know. I know. Don't give up--I'm totally on it. 

It's first on my list when I get back.

Why I Wish I Had Moved to New York When I Was 19.

Because I think my real calling may have been in costume design. Don't think Merchant Ivory films; think that guy on Project Runway who was really good at the drag queen outfits and missed the finale because of his inclusion of human hair into the design mix. Think him. 

I'm at it again right now. Let's just say that if I thought gluing buttons to paper clips was life-centeringly relaxing, then gluing blue felt stars to big white stretch LADY underwear is just as good. (Probably wouldn't have made good christmas gifts, though. Right.)

And because as I typed that I realized you'd never believe me, I took this shot:

Dressing up in tights is about one of the best things I ever do in my free time. I've volunteered for a kooky youth organization for many years now and they invite me out to do goofy skits for their leadership every so often. So I'm heading to Colorado for a retreat. (100 women, some solitude time, and me in tights. Standard women's retreat stuff.) I'm going as WonderPerson--she is like Wonder Woman, but she doesn't want to be limited by the gender-specific name. You know how it is.

Write this note to self: Remember to purchase multi-colored tights to fashion costume of self-imagined superhero for personal good times.

You'll thank me.

Current Happiness-es

1. This old polyester which arrived in the mail from a super nice BPF who understands that I am a sort of POLYESTER RESCUE STATION (kind of like the people who give a home to abandoned shelty dogs when their owners move or something) and that I would find a purpose for its little polyester life. 

--which, I have to say, I already have and will be keeping you all posted on my plot to use this yardage along with some other I've got to make SLIPPER CHAIR COVERS. I know: you can't wait. Me neither.

2. I hung these. 

 And that's positive. (Totally velcro-ed them to the wall. Classy.)

3. I've started working on drafting my first pattern. And I have to say that it's more addicting than quilt crack (which I tried shortly before Christmas). 

It's like taking your best sewing idea and turning it into a PUZZLE--which for this most-of-my-life Only Child in the backseat of every car we ever drove doing them, is actually amazingly satisfying. Plus I'm workin on it the old school way with tape and paper and scissors. And I love taping and scissoring. It's all up there with gluing. 

That's the update. What are you guys up to?

Gonna Stuff These Now And Hang Em Over The Door

 

How I Do That

 

I'm getting a lot of great questions about the words that show up everywhere on the stuff that I make and remake, so I thought I'd give you a little heads up about how those words are showing up there.

It's because of this kooky secretary's stamp set that I picked up at a garage sale years ago. It came with a numbered set that I since can't find and there was a few little tiny stamps that said 1950, 1951, 1952, and 1953.

 I just spell a word backwards and then set it in this little base with some Official Typesetting Tweezers

 

And then I stamp it a with this. 

   

I do this a bunch of times (partly because it takes me a bunch of times to get a good one and also because I sometimes go back scavenging for words for other projects):

Then I cut it out

 

I like to do it all in this order and then sew it so that it will fray because I am Pro-Fray. Other people are not--and those Anti-Fray people could just stamp it with more space around it, do some ironing work that would probably require a combo advanced degree in Astro Physics and Home Ec and then sew it down fraylessly. 

But I'm all into the effect:

So, tips in summary:

1. Use permanent ink, then do a little heat setting. I didn't take pics of this part because it would be me running down to the dryer and throwing my big sheet o' stamps in there for 10 minutes or so on high. And because I don't have a WDT Staff Photographer, I didn't get a shot of this. 

2. Stamp onto nice soft cotton. I actually am no pro stamper, but I do mine on soft old bedsheets and it seems to allow the desired effect (and the ink doesn't squish into the cracks, so you can read the word.)

3. Plan on stamping your word on a seperate piece of fabric a bunch of times so that it's okay if you screw up on the stamping. As it turns out, you've got to hold your mouth just right, flex some special tendons in the top of your fingers, press down hard and sort of rooooooolllll through the stamp. And this fancy method takes a bit to muster and then master. So let yourself screw up on some old bed sheets and you'll have a better time than you would if you sewed up a pretty little something and then gave yourself one shot on a finished piece. You might cry if you did it that way. And by You, I, of course, mean Me.

There you have it. Stamp on, Wiener Dog Tricks Bloggish People Friends (my dear old WDT BPF's). More quetsions? Just shoot and I'll do my absolute best to explain my strange workaround to your legitimate crafting question.

Get to Know Me

This is the wall above my desk. I'm just saying.

The "M" is for the word MAKE that I am cutting out of old polyester and sewing together to hang on the wall of my newly overhauled working space. (And also that's an old tv tray that I've got hanging as a magnet board--terribly cheap and terribly handy).

The pattern sleeve is for a pile of t-shirt refashioning that I'm doing--and thanks to clever her, I am now using a sleeve pattern piece to do this better. (That's because I watched this over on her site about making a dress from a man's shirt--and it's a super cool photo tutorial.)

Ro is in for a service and gone from home for two days. Weird. 

I talked to those moms again today about living a creative life and told them all that we need--as moms and just as regular humans--to really live a life that includes making. That we talk in the mom culture about making and creative projects like they are something we let ourselves do as a treat, like a pedicure of something--but that we wait until we're right up on the edge of meltdown mode before we claim it. And that it's better to just claim it and live the way we're suppose to live: as makers. And they had wonderful questions like "How do you have time for that?" "and "What do you do about your kids and your husband needing your attention?" and "What if you don't have space?" and "What if you don't have money?" and "What if you don't have any clue where to begin?" And I talked and talked and they listened and nodded and it was all just all-around lovely. 

I could talk about Making all day.

This One Has a Special Pocket

I made another one of these cash envelope system wallets because I wanted to try out the 4-slot design (instead of the big old 6-slot design).

 

 
 And also because I wanted a place to stash this (so I crammed it in that little denim pocket):

 

Because sometimes when I'm shuffling around with my cash and the people behind me in line are drilling eyeball holes through the side of my head with their can't-u-just-use-a-debit-card-like-the-rest-of-us stares, I flounder a little. Just internally. 

And so I am putting the note in the special pocket so that I can take it out and remind myself at any time I might need to.

Also, I wanted another shot at labeling my categories, and I'm even happier (if that's possible)with these:

 

And also since I figured out the little change in the design difference between the 6-slot wallet and the 4-slot wallet, I've updated the tutorial so that you can make either one. And I named them: The "Skipper" (he's the big guy) and the "Gilligan" (his little buddy).

Right: : Where was I in the early 70's? In front of the tv.

I've Been Meaning To Tell You

About my chalk boards. 

Not about hanging them, just about having them.

 

Anyway--I have a little tv/homework room (hmmmm--interesting combo. Right) that I have covered in chalkboards, all found at thrift stores and weird public auctions. 

I like chalkboards for these reasons:

1. They're totally FIND-ABLE at thrift stores and weird public auctions.

2. They take up a lot of wall space. This is a real decorating key for me because I am such a treasure-hunter but I really shake and shiver to spend more than about 4 and half bucks at a time. And so buying anything--even used--to cover a big chunk of wall space is really a challenge. I am forever in a thrift store with a big framed something art-ish, saying to myself, Do I like it 9 dollars worth? And so I am forever the girl with one tiny picture smack in the middle of a big wall. Cute. Real cute.

3. If you feel like it, you can write on them. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. I tend to even like the look of them when they're blank. When you do write on them, they're terrific for menu plans and chores lists and also happy seasonal greetings and reminders or even story-boarding about Jackie Robinson when you are nine and your dad is helping you on the report that is due.

 

4. If you're particular about color, you can re-surface them with black chalkboard paint. My really with-it friend who has such good taste that sometimes I can still taste it when I leave her house did this. And the effect was really, actually, quite stunning. I, however, am currently embracing schoolhouse green in my tv room. 

5. As a tip, you'll want to buy a decent eraser. Do you have one yet, Ginger? No, and that's why Jackie Robinson is still up there. I have this dream eraser on my list of future happinesses to purchase for myself.

And that is all that I have been meaning to tell you about chalkboards.

Apron for Baby Pumpkinhead

This is what I made today--just what every almost-two-year-old needs:

 

P.S. Love your responses to my call for Regulars. And you can throw your name up into those comments any time and I'll put you on the Regulars list. Because that's how we ROLL [embarassing grown-up lady airquotes] around here.
 

Norm!

 

I'm looking for my regulars. I love hanging out here with all you WDTBPF's and I'd love to post a list of regulars on my nav. I know some of you are living over there--but if you hang out here, just post a comment with your blog address. 

When I see my blog listed on somebody's nav, it just gives me a happy, glowy feeling--and I'd love to share that.

So even if you never comment because you are the shy, retiring type, go ahead and speak up. I'd love to know that you're around. And if you're a regular without a blog, then I imagine you could put up your name and I could just list you. And that would be fun too--because who doesn't like to see their name in print?

Sure, I like to sew. But man, do I ever love to be in a community of people who do too. 

This Happened To Me

I went upstairs to Ro last night when it was dark--after work, after dinner, after dishes, after kids, and decided to sew. I have about 31-gazillion projects sitting in various piles within a leg's reach of my desk but didn't want to make them. Not in the mood--so I picked up a handful of plaid polyester and just started cutting and sewing and attaching a zipper and then GUSSETING. And then this happened:

 

It was wanting to be--in my CREATIVE ENVISIONING OF IT--some sort of ditty bag. Right. Instead, it is a plaid morphy squid-ish thing. I think I might name it . . .

• DELIRIOUS POSSIBILITY (I'm sure somebody has that sewn on a couch pillow somewhere)
• WOMAN COOKS & EATS CRACK THEN SITS DOWN TO SEWING MACHINE WITH DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR
• SLEEP-DEPRIVATION STUDY IN OLD PLAID
• DON'T DRINK AND GUSSET (I swear I only had like two sips of sauvignon blanc)

And I will name it because it will, in fact, never be more than Art since it turns out to have no function whatsoever--what with the zipper opening into nothing and all. Right.

 

In the spirit of telling the truth even when what I make is fabulously ugly and unsuccessful, I'm sharing here. 

There's nothing I love more than diving in without a pattern  (yes, irony since I like to write them; but you know what--I like to write poetry too and I never read poems. Hmmm. Talk to therapist about this behavior pattern.), but sometimes I lose my way. This happened to me last night. Apparently I should have just watch THE OFFICE.

Lucky for everybody, I never do this in the kitchen. Thanks to her and her, nobody starves or chokes around here. So that's positive.

 

True Love, Pajamas & Special Sharing

Today kicks off Sew Mama Sew's TRUE LOVE Month. (A decidedly more others-focussed upgrade from my own Sew Sew Selfish Month.) 

And I've put together a tutorial for a SUPER SIMPLE NIGHTIE over there--so if you're a local Wienerdog Tricks BPF, then go check it out. 

 

Soooo cuuuuute. Guy. Thanks. 

In related Special Sharing:

1. I put up a store. What? I know. I've been scheming about putting out some tutorials to sell digitally, so they're up. Woo Hoo! Or at least my first one's up. It's the tutorial for the cash wallet envelope system that I've been talking about. (And it's begging to be made out of beautiful old polyester.) 

  

 
 2. Those happy little tutorials that have been living on my nav are staying put in the happy little For Free spot. And more will come to live over there (see #3) and more will come to live in the shop (Hmmm: messenger bag, retro toddler apron, old school kleenex box ditty bag). 

3. The Army Bag Knock Off Tutorial is next up.

Good times, friends. 

 

Thing For Me #7: Messenger (Finished!) & Thing For You #2: Cash Envelope System Wallet Tutorial

Hello, People. Yesterday marked the very superduper last day of Sew Sew Selfish Month. So it looks like I've got to start thinking about OTHERS now. Yeesh. But first, this:

I made it, unmade it, and then remade it. 

So now I'm dragging it around full of heavy books and tablets and list-making notepads. And it gives happiness to my insides.

I also made another one of these (the much-loved Cash Envelope System Wallets):

  
And I like it even better because that bottom pocket is functional now and not attacked by the buttonhole and the zipper is also on the outside. Two nifty upgrades.

And here's the part about you: I'm putting the final touches on the tutorial for this project, and I'm going to offering it up as my very first FOR SALE tutorial. (Oooooooohhhhhhhh. That's faaaaaaancy.) It'll be 3 bucks--not bad, not bad.

But before I start selling them, I want to offer them FOR FREE to a big handful of you who are regular friends over here at Wienerdog Tricks. So if you're interested, just send me an email today or tomorrow (gingerhendrix AT charter DOT net), and I will very happily email you one. (I like to share.) Then in a couple of days, the tutorials will be for sale--good plan, good plan. UPDATE: Hey there--I sent a big handful to some of you good WDTBPF's, so if you'd still like one, just click right over here.

I think you guys are great, my Wienerdog Tricks Bloggish People Friends. (WTBPF's).

Thing for Me #7: Messenger (Mid-Way)

This is a Sew Sew Selfish Month update.

I made this:

 

(Think of this next shot as on the setting that Barbara Streisand used to have photos taken of herself during her Star Is Born years):

 
Something's not right. And I think it's the edges that are bothering me. And the straps, maybe. So I took it apart:

This isn't my first messenger bag. I made this one for the Man Spouse for Christmas:

 

(The innards):

And this one at Christmastime for a dear friend:

 

(The innards):

I think I want the edges on the one I'm making right now to look more finished. So I'm going to try some sort of piping or something when I put it back together. And I'm going to make it skinnier so that it's DAINTIER.  Might even cut the whole bag down so it's just a little smaller. Hmmm. Haven't solved the straps problem yet, but might go back to what I did here with an old seatbelt (a trip to the junk yard's not such a bad idea, really.)

Sometimes Making involves Un-Making. And if you're not sure what I mean (or, really, even if you are), go over here and see this. You'll nod. You'll gasp. You'll shake your head. And then you'll think deep thoughts about Making including Un-Making that you never thought before. 

And of course you'll be the first to hear when I stop all this Un-Making and put the messenger bag back together.

Dear Tara (About Your Ottoman Questions),

Tara the Faithful Reader asked a good question about my last post:

Do you have a pattern you went off of ? . . . I have an ottoman DESPERATELY crying for a face lift (or should I say a cover-up)!

Here are my quick thoughts about making straight-line projects like ottoman covers.

I think the trick for these kinds of projects is to try to think of them like they'd be if they were flat--not 3D anymore, but 2D. Or this: I try to think about how a thing would look if it were filleted, like a fish. If I see it flat, then I can think about how to put it back together. 

 (This lovely image from www.sandysteelheaders.org)

The ottoman is really just two long strips sewn together (one's the bottom gathery one; one's the long flat one) that are then attached to a square (the top of the ottoman). I literally threw fabric over my ottoman and cut the piece out just a little bigger.

1. One big square: check. 
2. One long flat one for the sides--then cut into 4 that match the widths of each side and sewn back together so it makes the corners nicely.
3. One (even longer) flat one that you then pleat for that looks. (I just fold it under as I go on the machine.)
4. Attach the to long ones together.
5. Then sew those two joined strips to the square--which is really just four straight lines with some turns in the middle.

No pictures for this, but maybe that helps. Sew on, Friends! And remember: everything can be filleted and then re-constructed. Hazzah!

Thing for Me #6: Ottoman Cover

This is a Sew Sew Selfish Month update.

I found this low-pile fuzz-covered ottoman (think: your godmother's sofa that she protected with a crinkly clear vinyl cover) at a thrift store and covered it once to match a rocker I also re-covered. But I made the slip cover too short on this puppy. And it looked like it had highwaters. Un-pretty. Here it is naked in a dramatic Black&White BEFORE version of itself:

And today I added happiness to it from my fat stash of thrifted, garage-saled, handed-over fabric. I found some nifty fake silk that gives it a happy Old Lady's Boudoir sort of feel. 

(Close up with stains that apparently it picked up somehow while I was sewing it downstairs with the rain pouring outside and the Baby Pumpkinhead climbing up onto the table and trying to rip it away with her spaghetti-covered hands--thank the fabric gods that this thing is acrylic. Can't imagine how it got smoodged. Right.)

Here it is in its happy AFTER state:

 

I'm working on this dimly-lit corner of my bedroom (back to B&W for increased drama):

 

And yes I got that chair at a garage sale and yes I haven't covered it yet because I love the fabric even though it is 987% worn-looking. And yes, I am considering making slipcovers for it (and its sister) out of red and white polyester. Because I can. It's Sew Sew Selfish month, remember? I am almost sick of sewing for myself. But only Almost.

Thing for YOU #1: The ACTUAL PMS Cure Playlist

Kristen loves us all. She put up the PMS Cure Playlist over at itunes. Just click here for it. Guy. She's nice.

Maybe Boys Eat Socks

   

Maybe they get to the lunch table with their Clone Wars lunch boxes, remove their shoes, open their unsustainable baggies full of ham & cheese & bread, remove a single sock, place it between the mustardy bread and the ham, and then take bites. Maybe socks are some sort of ingredient in Boy Lunch that they are just too self-conscious to admit that they really like. 

Maybe at the lunch table, all the boys sit around and when they take the sock off, they sometimes trade. Maybe they sometimes trade and don't actually eat that sock, but instead pack that sock back in their lunch boxes and then throw it toward the washing machine in the garage when they get home. 

Because I don't know where their socks go. And I don't know where all these other kids' socks are coming from. So this is a theory. It's my theory.

   

Thing for Me #5: PMS Cure Playlist

A Sew Sew Selfish Month Update

I didn't make this one: it came as a GIFT!

I opened my mail and found a CD from my Bloggish Friend Kristen. She made me a mix. For no reason. Just because. And it started off with Mary J. Blige's PMS. And yes, you probably want to go ahead and just spend 99 cents on this for yourself.  

And it was like God Hisself sent the Angel Gabriel's older sister Irene with a message to her to send it to me, because it arrived on the EXACT day of my Kickoff to General Hormonal Hysteria. 

How do I know this--I mean that my current emotional weather is related to my Lady Cycle? Oh, that's easy, now isn't it? Oh--and also because I had this conversation with my husband last night:

Him: [something about him and not about me.]

Me: What?!!? [Tiny, Ancient Hawaiian-sized Volcano.]

Him: [something about my reaction not matching the situation.]

Me: [lightbulb] Oh. I think maybe I am hormonal.

Him: [something that made me run get the computer and and plug it in and open it on my lap in bed next to him and search PMS SYMPTOMS on WebMD 

Me: [reading all the symptoms of PMS listed on WebMD, sort of loudly.]

Him: [pillow over his head.]

Me: Look, I even CALENDAR IT . . . . . [making him see the email I send myself.]

Poor man. (And no I don't make my life up for your benefit, People.)

So I do not hyperbolize when I say that the instant I opened it this morning and put it in the player, I knew immediately that either Oprah or the Angel Irene must have sent Kristen the message.

The best part about this playlist is that it has total curative properties. Because I would have made a PMS Cure Playlist that included Get Over It, Sister hits like "Brick House" and "I Will Survive" and maybe some Pat Benatar--something that when I put it in the CD player sort of slapped me in the hormonal bootie and told me to buck up.

But THIS, this playlist is so much kinder, so much truer, so much more curative--so much more just what I needed. 

And I'm just going to put it out there that we should ALL be paying forward these PMS CURE mixes to each other. Yeesh, a girl needs a little extra care about every 26 days, ya know? Guy.

Thanks, Kristen. You're really great.

P.S. Editor's Note--Guy! I didn't post the list! I didn't post the list! Here it is:

1. PMS Mary J. Blige
2. Ghosts in the Attic Leona Naess
3. Werewolf Cat Power
4. Chasing Pavements Adele [THIS IS MY FAVE SO FAR]
5. Save Me Aimee Mann
6. Down to the River to Pray Alison Krauss
7. Keep on Runnin' Cat Power
8. Outside the Inside Dirty Martini
9. Beautiful Me'Shell Ndegeocello [WATCH OUT. YOU MIGHT CRY]
10. Breathe Me Sia
11. Beautiful G. Love featuring Tristan Prettyman
12. Cowboy Take Me Away Dixie Chicks
13. Mercy Duffy
14. L.A. County Lyle Lovett
15. What a Life Juliana Hatfield
16. Hold On KT Tunstall
17. Electric Feel MGMT
18. I Wish I was the Moon Neko Case [DANGIT. SO PRETTY]
19. Her Morning ElegAnce Oren Lavie

I'd love to share this as an iMix, but iTunes is being iCranky with me. Go hunting, though--all of these songs are just nifty.

Thing for Me #4: Little Cash Wallet

A Sew Sew Selfish Month Update

Okay, it's not really for me--it's for my 9 Yr Old Man Boy, but it's for me because he keeps asking me for it. And I, um, want him to stop. Plus, it was really fun to take this and scale it down to this:

 

He saw mine and wanted one. He picked his own categories: LEGOS & DECKS (as in the top of a skateboard). And yes, that's old polyester that's made to look like skinned Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, I think.

Here's the front:

 

His brother picked these categories:

 

Gotta go finish one for the 7 Yr Old Man Boy. Super fantastic.

Thing for Me #3: I See London. I See France. I See Someone's Underpants Drawers.

A Sew Sew Selfish Month Update

I pulled off the drawer liners. For my underpants drawers, and all my other drawers too. Now I have a prettier Drawers Drawer. And other ones.

Totally Classic Underwear Drawer BEFORE Photo:

 

Oooooooooh So Pretty:

 

Dramatically B&W Underwear Drawer AFTER Photo
 

 

For the Chest O' Drawers:

 

For the Bathroom Drawers:

The details: Are they perfect? No. I made them a little smaller than the drawers so they wouldn't do some weird skootch-up-the-side sort of thing since I'm not a big measure-for-accuracy sort of girl. Are they stuck down with something? Nope. I was going to velcro, and didn't. They're just in there. Howdya do it? Measured, cut one pretty, cut one muslin, sewed the squares together facing in and then flipped them out and topstitched them. 

Happy. Happy. There is order in the world. I hereby vow to always fold all my clothes including my underpants before I show them in my drawers because order makes you feel so good doesn't it and why wouldn't I stop and just do that one litte step so I will I will fold all my clothes before I put them in my drawers. Oh, and I'll shut the drawers too.

Thing for Me #2: Scrambled T-Shirt Scarf

A Sew Sew Selfish Month Update

K. This isn't a tutorial because if you're a monkey with a pair of scissors and a piece of bone and some thread, you can make this. (Um, rotary cutter with ruler and sewing machine are handy, though, I won't lie.)

Step #1: Find old t-shirt that you keep in your drawer because you love but you never wear because it has some weird stain on it or it rides high or it's just very 80's and looked cute in the 80's but you really shouldn't wear anymore but you can't make yourself throw it away. Get that t-shirt. In fact, get a couple of those if you want it long-ish, or just one if you want it short-ish like mine.)

 

Step #2: Cut it up into 6 inch squares. (Hold on to the squares that include the finished bottom edge of the shirt(s).)

 

Step #3: Scramble the squares like you'd like them.

 

Step #4: Sew the squares together all funky--with the seams showing on one side, then the other, like that. Sew them in pairs, then sew the pairs together longways.

 

(Note to the perfectionist: you'll have the best luck if you line up the middles, then sew out to the edges)

 

 Step #5: Sew the finished bottom edge pieces to the ends.

 

 

Step #6: Show off.

 

See? I told you you could do it. And if you get stuck, just email me--or find a monkey, give him a pair of scissors, a piece of bone, some thread and an old shirt and see what he does.

 

Cheese Intervention

My friend opened the cheese drawer in my fridge the other day, and silently started piling all of it on my counter. I was aghast. Don't look at my cheese. 

 

I just went to the store and it's the first of the month.

It's for the kids' lunches.

I don't usually have this much.

But I knew as I said them that my excuses were useless. It's just a fact: I'm way to Lactose Tolerant. I have a cheese problem. I might need a support group.

Thing for Me #1: Envelope System Wallet

A Sew Sew Selfish Month Update

 

We do the cash envelope system over here. Why you ask? Why not just keep accurate track of your spending utilizing the multiple technologies currently available as a result of the industrywide availability of banking's willingess to interface with personal budgeting softwares?

Yeah, it's because if I have .37 in my checking account, I just have a hankering to spend it. Or maybe spend it twice sometimes. Good one.

So, in an effort to remain solidly planted in Marital Mostly-Bliss, we do the cash envelope system.

But I need a cuter way to pull it off. So, I am thrilled to move from this:

 

 

Which has been an upgrade of sorts from this (which made me feel like a 7th grader for some reason):

 

 To this!:

 

It has a lot going for it, and a couple of kinks I'm going to work out before I write up a tutorial for how to do it (because it is SHOCKINGLY easy, people.)

GOING FOR IT: 

1. It's made out out of old polyester. As I've mentioned and mentioned and mentioned, I love old polyester. It is agreeable, funky, and available everywhere. This particular fabric came as a surprise gift from my friend Banana. 

2. It's marked with the names of categories that make me much happier than I would be if they said office-y sounding things like FOOD, GAS, ENTERTAINMENT, PERSONAL.

 

3. It has a handy coin purse thingy designed right into it. Haaaaaandy. This was a workaround for a wallet just like this one that I made for a friend for Christmas. I cut the fabric too short and needed a way to piece it together. "A zipper!" I said to myself. Handy. Handy. Handy mistake-turned-good-idea.

 

KINK

1. It's wonkier than some other polyesterprojects I've done.  I have a pretty high Wonk Threshold, but I think I'll need to come up with some How to Handle Stretch answer to this reality. 

2. The bottom category spot turns out to be too short because of the topstitching. Hmmm. Back to the drawing board. Right. 

This is my report. I was up early this morning finishing it up because I just am absolutely ready to carry it everywhere with me.

And I'm trying not to take it too personally that the just-under-2 yr old picked it up and blew her nose with it. Right.

Best/Easiest/Longest-Promised Birthday Gift Ever.

(I know I'm sewing for myself right now, but I made this when it was still December and have been holding on to show you until I actually GAVE it to my friend. Which wasn't easy.)

I have been threatening/promising this gift for years. My dear friend Bonnie has a deep, deep family truth posted on her fridge, and I have said forever that I would sew it on a pillow. (Because the wrong words are ALWAYS sewed on pillows--things like DELICIOUS HARMONY and PAIN-FREE OBEDIENCE and PERFECTION UNLIMITED and stuff like that.) So here's hers:

"Don't sweat the petty things.

Don't pet the sweaty things."

Words to live by from George Carlin. Excellent. (And particularly helpful as life guidance when you have 3 boys like she does). So here's the final product. 

 

The back (and yes--I couldn't help myself. I sewed yello ric-rac into the seam. If you haven't done this, try it. It will make you ric-rac happy.)

 

I won't lie. I'm going to make one for myself that says, "Touch your own and not your brother's." 

You All Are the Crossing Guards of My Days

Thanks for your guidance, Bloggish Friends--because of your showing up and commenting your hearts out, I now would like to illustriously declare that I will be leaning in to put together and offer up a tutorial for the ARMY BAG KNOCKOFF! Seventeen of the nifty 24 of you who voted asked for it, so consider it done. 

 

(And to the handful of you who wanted to see the Toddler Apron--it'll be next up. I'd hate to leave your toddlers all apron-less and everything.)

In related news, I'll be popping a Rescued Fabric Apron Kit in the mail to ELLE (lucky commenter #20--who was chosen by the tiny little hamsters over at TRNG.)

Your guys are the best. I am the goofy 3rd grader at the busy intersection: you guys are the Crossing Guards. Think about it. (I know what I'm talking about because I was a Junior Volunteer Crossing Guard in 6th Grade. True Story.)

Neighborhood Watch.

Call the police. This woman is trying to make me fat. Super fat.

Sew Sew Selfish.

This is my theme for January: Sewing For My Own Self. 

 (Highlighted with a photo of the Selfishest person I could think of. Aaaaaahhhh to be young again in the 70's, and in front of the TV for hours and hours soaking in female stereotypes. Sigh.)

I am starting the new year by embracing complete and total Me-ness and sewing only for myself. How sweet, you say. I know. My desire to do what I want is, after all, quite heart warming. I say nothing says After-Christmas-Kickoff like I want that.

So I'm going to sew things that I've been wanting to.

(But before we talk about ME, let's talk about YOU.

I'm ALSO going to write a tutorial for YOU. And you have just one more day to vote for what it will be. Just saying.)

Now, back to ME.

Here's what I'm making for ME:

1. Cash wallet. We do the envelope system over here, and I'm tired of carrying the red 7th-grader accordion school-supplyish wallet my husband bought for me to do this. I need something polyester to make me happy and keep me from cheating. CHECK

2. Drawer Liners. More on this later. It's a good idea, trust me. CHECK

3. More--lots. lots. more.--refashioned tshirts. 

4. Dinner napkins, maybe. I need more. Cute ones. That don't match. (Hmmm. This seems like a strage choice. Whatever, I can if I want. I can if I want.)

5. Lined charging basket for my phone, etc.

6. Something. Anything. To solve the problem of 87,000 small things covering the floor of my car. Yes, this might be a plastic bucket. But maybe it can be something cuter. Maybe.

7. Anything Else I Feel Like. 

I think that about covers it. And how will I accomplish all of this in one single month? Well, this is not a question I bother with. I do, after all, dwell in Possibilities--which is clearly a county in the state of Denial in the country of Yeah Right. But it's sunny here, and the birds are chirping.