wienerdog tricks.

Thing for Me #7: Messenger (Mid-Way)

This is a Sew Sew Selfish Month update.

I made this:

 

(Think of this next shot as on the setting that Barbara Streisand used to have photos taken of herself during her Star Is Born years):

 
Something's not right. And I think it's the edges that are bothering me. And the straps, maybe. So I took it apart:

This isn't my first messenger bag. I made this one for the Man Spouse for Christmas:

 

(The innards):

And this one at Christmastime for a dear friend:

 

(The innards):

I think I want the edges on the one I'm making right now to look more finished. So I'm going to try some sort of piping or something when I put it back together. And I'm going to make it skinnier so that it's DAINTIER.  Might even cut the whole bag down so it's just a little smaller. Hmmm. Haven't solved the straps problem yet, but might go back to what I did here with an old seatbelt (a trip to the junk yard's not such a bad idea, really.)

Sometimes Making involves Un-Making. And if you're not sure what I mean (or, really, even if you are), go over here and see this. You'll nod. You'll gasp. You'll shake your head. And then you'll think deep thoughts about Making including Un-Making that you never thought before. 

And of course you'll be the first to hear when I stop all this Un-Making and put the messenger bag back together.

Dear Tara (About Your Ottoman Questions),

Tara the Faithful Reader asked a good question about my last post:

 

Do you have a pattern you went off of ? . . . I have an ottoman DESPERATELY crying for a face lift (or should I say a cover-up)!

Here are my quick thoughts about making straight-line projects like ottoman covers.

I think the trick for these kinds of projects is to try to think of them like they'd be if they were flat--not 3D anymore, but 2D. Or this: I try to think about how a thing would look if it were filleted, like a fish. If I see it flat, then I can think about how to put it back together. 

 (This lovely image from www.sandysteelheaders.org)

The ottoman is really just two long strips sewn together (one's the bottom gathery one; one's the long flat one) that are then attached to a square (the top of the ottoman). I literally threw fabric over my ottoman and cut the piece out just a little bigger.

1. One big square: check. 
2. One long flat one for the sides--then cut into 4 that match the widths of each side and sewn back together so it makes the corners nicely.
3. One (even longer) flat one that you then pleat for that looks. (I just fold it under as I go on the machine.)
4. Attach the to long ones together.
5. Then sew those two joined strips to the square--which is really just four straight lines with some turns in the middle.

No pictures for this, but maybe that helps. Sew on, Friends! And remember: everything can be filleted and then re-constructed. Hazzah!

Thing for Me #6: Ottoman Cover

This is a Sew Sew Selfish Month update.

I found this low-pile fuzz-covered ottoman (think: your godmother's sofa that she protected with a crinkly clear vinyl cover) at a thrift store and covered it once to match a rocker I also re-covered. But I made the slip cover too short on this puppy. And it looked like it had highwaters. Un-pretty. Here it is naked in a dramatic Black&White BEFORE version of itself:

And today I added happiness to it from my fat stash of thrifted, garage-saled, handed-over fabric. I found some nifty fake silk that gives it a happy Old Lady's Boudoir sort of feel. 

(Close up with stains that apparently it picked up somehow while I was sewing it downstairs with the rain pouring outside and the Baby Pumpkinhead climbing up onto the table and trying to rip it away with her spaghetti-covered hands--thank the fabric gods that this thing is acrylic. Can't imagine how it got smoodged. Right.)

Here it is in its happy AFTER state:

I'm working on this dimly-lit corner of my bedroom (back to B&W for increased drama):

 

And yes I got that chair at a garage sale and yes I haven't covered it yet because I love the fabric even though it is 987% worn-looking. And yes, I am considering making slipcovers for it (and its sister) out of red and white polyester. Because I can. It's Sew Sew Selfish month, remember? I am almost sick of sewing for myself. But only Almost.

Thing for YOU #1: The ACTUAL PMS Cure Playlist

Kristen loves us all. She put up the PMS Cure Playlist over at itunes. Just click here for it. Guy. She's nice.

Maybe Boys Eat Socks

   

Maybe they get to the lunch table with their Clone Wars lunch boxes, remove their shoes, open their unsustainable baggies full of ham & cheese & bread, remove a single sock, place it between the mustardy bread and the ham, and then take bites. Maybe socks are some sort of ingredient in Boy Lunch that they are just too self-conscious to admit that they really like. 

Maybe at the lunch table, all the boys sit around and when they take the sock off, they sometimes trade. Maybe they sometimes trade and don't actually eat that sock, but instead pack that sock back in their lunch boxes and then throw it toward the washing machine in the garage when they get home. 

Because I don't know where their socks go. And I don't know where all these other kids' socks are coming from. So this is a theory. It's my theory.

   

Thing for Me #5: PMS Cure Playlist

A Sew Sew Selfish Month Update

I didn't make this one: it came as a GIFT!

I opened my mail and found a CD from my Bloggish Friend Kristen. She made me a mix. For no reason. Just because. And it started off with Mary J. Blige's PMS. And yes, you probably want to go ahead and just spend 99 cents on this for yourself.  

And it was like God Hisself sent the Angel Gabriel's older sister Irene with a message to her to send it to me, because it arrived on the EXACT day of my Kickoff to General Hormonal Hysteria. 

How do I know this--I mean that my current emotional weather is related to my Lady Cycle? Oh, that's easy, now isn't it? Oh--and also because I had this conversation with my husband last night:

Him: [something about him and not about me.]

Me: What?!!? [Tiny, Ancient Hawaiian-sized Volcano.]

Him: [something about my reaction not matching the situation.]

Me: [lightbulb] Oh. I think maybe I am hormonal.

Him: [something that made me run get the computer and and plug it in and open it on my lap in bed next to him and search PMS SYMPTOMS on WebMD 

Me: [reading all the symptoms of PMS listed on WebMD, sort of loudly.]

Him: [pillow over his head.]

Me: Look, I even CALENDAR IT . . . . . [making him see the email I send myself.]

Poor man. (And no I don't make my life up for your benefit, People.)

So I do not hyperbolize when I say that the instant I opened it this morning and put it in the player, I knew immediately that either Oprah or the Angel Irene must have sent Kristen the message.

The best part about this playlist is that it has total curative properties. Because I would have made a PMS Cure Playlist that included Get Over It, Sister hits like "Brick House" and "I Will Survive" and maybe some Pat Benatar--something that when I put it in the CD player sort of slapped me in the hormonal bootie and told me to buck up.

But THIS, this playlist is so much kinder, so much truer, so much more curative--so much more just what I needed. 

And I'm just going to put it out there that we should ALL be paying forward these PMS CURE mixes to each other. Yeesh, a girl needs a little extra care about every 26 days, ya know? Guy.

Thanks, Kristen. You're really great.

P.S. Editor's Note--Guy! I didn't post the list! I didn't post the list! Here it is:

1. PMS Mary J. Blige
2. Ghosts in the Attic Leona Naess
3. Werewolf Cat Power
4. Chasing Pavements Adele [THIS IS MY FAVE SO FAR]
5. Save Me Aimee Mann
6. Down to the River to Pray Alison Krauss
7. Keep on Runnin' Cat Power
8. Outside the Inside Dirty Martini
9. Beautiful Me'Shell Ndegeocello [WATCH OUT. YOU MIGHT CRY]
10. Breathe Me Sia
11. Beautiful G. Love featuring Tristan Prettyman
12. Cowboy Take Me Away Dixie Chicks
13. Mercy Duffy
14. L.A. County Lyle Lovett
15. What a Life Juliana Hatfield
16. Hold On KT Tunstall
17. Electric Feel MGMT
18. I Wish I was the Moon Neko Case [DANGIT. SO PRETTY]
19. Her Morning ElegAnce Oren Lavie

I'd love to share this as an iMix, but iTunes is being iCranky with me. Go hunting, though--all of these songs are just nifty.

Thing for Me #4: Little Cash Wallet

A Sew Sew Selfish Month Update

Okay, it's not really for me--it's for my 9 Yr Old Man Boy, but it's for me because he keeps asking me for it. And I, um, want him to stop. Plus, it was really fun to take this and scale it down to this:

He saw mine and wanted one. He picked his own categories: LEGOS & DECKS (as in the top of a skateboard). And yes, that's old polyester that's made to look like skinned Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, I think.

Here's the front:

 

His brother picked these categories:

 

Gotta go finish one for the 7 Yr Old Man Boy. Super fantastic.

Thing for Me #3: I See London. I See France. I See Someone's Underpants Drawers.

A Sew Sew Selfish Month Update

I pulled off the drawer liners. For my underpants drawers, and all my other drawers too. Now I have a prettier Drawers Drawer. And other ones.

Totally Classic Underwear Drawer BEFORE Photo:

 

Oooooooooh So Pretty:

 

Dramatically B&W Underwear Drawer AFTER Photo
 

 

For the Chest O' Drawers:

 

For the Bathroom Drawers:

The details: Are they perfect? No. I made them a little smaller than the drawers so they wouldn't do some weird skootch-up-the-side sort of thing since I'm not a big measure-for-accuracy sort of girl. Are they stuck down with something? Nope. I was going to velcro, and didn't. They're just in there. Howdya do it? Measured, cut one pretty, cut one muslin, sewed the squares together facing in and then flipped them out and topstitched them. 

Happy. Happy. There is order in the world. I hereby vow to always fold all my clothes including my underpants before I show them in my drawers because order makes you feel so good doesn't it and why wouldn't I stop and just do that one litte step so I will I will fold all my clothes before I put them in my drawers. Oh, and I'll shut the drawers too.

Thing for Me #2: Scrambled T-Shirt Scarf

A Sew Sew Selfish Month Update

K. This isn't a tutorial because if you're a monkey with a pair of scissors and a piece of bone and some thread, you can make this. (Um, rotary cutter with ruler and sewing machine are handy, though, I won't lie.)

Step #1: Find old t-shirt that you keep in your drawer because you love but you never wear because it has some weird stain on it or it rides high or it's just very 80's and looked cute in the 80's but you really shouldn't wear anymore but you can't make yourself throw it away. Get that t-shirt. In fact, get a couple of those if you want it long-ish, or just one if you want it short-ish like mine.)

 

Step #2: Cut it up into 6 inch squares. (Hold on to the squares that include the finished bottom edge of the shirt(s).)

 

Step #3: Scramble the squares like you'd like them.

 

Step #4: Sew the squares together all funky--with the seams showing on one side, then the other, like that. Sew them in pairs, then sew the pairs together longways.

 

(Note to the perfectionist: you'll have the best luck if you line up the middles, then sew out to the edges)

 

 Step #5: Sew the finished bottom edge pieces to the ends.

 

 

Step #6: Show off.

 

See? I told you you could do it. And if you get stuck, just email me--or find a monkey, give him a pair of scissors, a piece of bone, some thread and an old shirt and see what he does.

 

Cheese Intervention

My friend opened the cheese drawer in my fridge the other day, and silently started piling all of it on my counter. I was aghast. Don't look at my cheese. 

 

I just went to the store and it's the first of the month.

It's for the kids' lunches.

I don't usually have this much.

But I knew as I said them that my excuses were useless. It's just a fact: I'm way to Lactose Tolerant. I have a cheese problem. I might need a support group.

Thing for Me #1: Envelope System Wallet

(This just in--for those of you interested in making one, the PDF pattern for this CASH ENVELOPE SYSTEM WALLET is available from Weinerdog Tricks right over here.)

A Sew Sew Selfish Month Update

 

We do the cash envelope system over here. Why you ask? Why not just keep accurate track of your spending utilizing the multiple technologies currently available as a result of the industrywide availability of banking's willingess to interface with personal budgeting softwares?

Yeah, it's because if I have .37 in my checking account, I just have a hankering to spend it. Or maybe spend it twice sometimes. Good one.

So, in an effort to remain solidly planted in Marital Mostly-Bliss, we do the cash envelope system.

But I need a cuter way to pull it off. So, I am thrilled to move from this:

 

 

Which has been an upgrade of sorts from this (which made me feel like a 7th grader for some reason):

 

 To this!:

 

 

It has a lot going for it, and a couple of kinks I'm going to work out before I write up a tutorial for how to do it (because it is SHOCKINGLY easy, people.)

GOING FOR IT: 

1. It's made out out of old polyester. As I've mentioned and mentioned and mentioned, I love old polyester. It is agreeable, funky, and available everywhere. This particular fabric came as a surprise gift from my friend Banana. 

2. It's marked with the names of categories that make me much happier than I would be if they said office-y sounding things like FOOD, GAS, ENTERTAINMENT, PERSONAL.

 

3. It has a handy coin purse thingy designed right into it. Haaaaaandy. This was a workaround for a wallet just like this one that I made for a friend for Christmas. I cut the fabric too short and needed a way to piece it together. "A zipper!" I said to myself. Handy. Handy. Handy mistake-turned-good-idea.

 

KINK

1. It's wonkier than some other polyesterprojects I've done.  I have a pretty high Wonk Threshold, but I think I'll need to come up with some How to Handle Stretch answer to this reality. 

2. The bottom category spot turns out to be too short because of the topstitching. Hmmm. Back to the drawing board. Right. 

This is my report. I was up early this morning finishing it up because I just am absolutely ready to carry it everywhere with me.

And I'm trying not to take it too personally that the just-under-2 yr old picked it up and blew her nose with it. Right.

Best/Easiest/Longest-Promised Birthday Gift Ever.

(I know I'm sewing for myself right now, but I made this when it was still December and have been holding on to show you until I actually GAVE it to my friend. Which wasn't easy.)

I have been threatening/promising this gift for years. My dear friend Bonnie has a deep, deep family truth posted on her fridge, and I have said forever that I would sew it on a pillow. (Because the wrong words are ALWAYS sewed on pillows--things like DELICIOUS HARMONY and PAIN-FREE OBEDIENCE and PERFECTION UNLIMITED and stuff like that.) So here's hers:

"Don't sweat the petty things.

Don't pet the sweaty things."

Words to live by from George Carlin. Excellent. (And particularly helpful as life guidance when you have 3 boys like she does). So here's the final product. 

The back (and yes--I couldn't help myself. I sewed yello ric-rac into the seam. If you haven't done this, try it. It will make you ric-rac happy.)

I won't lie. I'm going to make one for myself that says, "Touch your own and not your brother's." 

You All Are the Crossing Guards of My Days

Thanks for your guidance, Bloggish Friends--because of your showing up and commenting your hearts out, I now would like to illustriously declare that I will be leaning in to put together and offer up a tutorial for the ARMY BAG KNOCKOFF! Seventeen of the nifty 24 of you who voted asked for it, so consider it done. 

 

(And to the handful of you who wanted to see the Toddler Apron--it'll be next up. I'd hate to leave your toddlers all apron-less and everything.)

In related news, I'll be popping a Rescued Fabric Apron Kit in the mail to ELLE (lucky commenter #20--who was chosen by the tiny little hamsters over at TRNG.)

Your guys are the best. I am the goofy 3rd grader at the busy intersection: you guys are the Crossing Guards. Think about it. (I know what I'm talking about because I was a Junior Volunteer Crossing Guard in 6th Grade. True Story.)

Neighborhood Watch.

Call the police. This woman is trying to make me fat. Super fat.

Sew Sew Selfish.

This is my theme for January: Sewing For My Own Self. 

 (Highlighted with a photo of the Selfishest person I could think of. Aaaaaahhhh to be young again in the 70's, and in front of the TV for hours and hours soaking in female stereotypes. Sigh.)

I am starting the new year by embracing complete and total Me-ness and sewing only for myself. How sweet, you say. I know. My desire to do what I want is, after all, quite heart warming. I say nothing says After-Christmas-Kickoff like I want that.

So I'm going to sew things that I've been wanting to.

(But before we talk about ME, let's talk about YOU.

I'm ALSO going to write a tutorial for YOU. And you have just one more day to vote for what it will be. Just saying.)

Now, back to ME.

Here's what I'm making for ME:

1. Cash wallet. We do the envelope system over here, and I'm tired of carrying the red 7th-grader accordion school-supplyish wallet my husband bought for me to do this. I need something polyester to make me happy and keep me from cheating. CHECK

2. Drawer Liners. More on this later. It's a good idea, trust me. CHECK

3. More--lots. lots. more.--refashioned tshirts. 

4. Dinner napkins, maybe. I need more. Cute ones. That don't match. (Hmmm. This seems like a strage choice. Whatever, I can if I want. I can if I want.)

5. Lined charging basket for my phone, etc.

6. Something. Anything. To solve the problem of 87,000 small things covering the floor of my car. Yes, this might be a plastic bucket. But maybe it can be something cuter. Maybe.

7. Anything Else I Feel Like. 

I think that about covers it. And how will I accomplish all of this in one single month? Well, this is not a question I bother with. I do, after all, dwell in Possibilities--which is clearly a county in the state of Denial in the country of Yeah Right. But it's sunny here, and the birds are chirping.